Reflections on a Wedding

June 12, 2010

I woke up early that morning with a song playing in my head. The song is from a movie we had watched many times when the girls were young. "My Fair Lady" and the part was when her dad was singing "....get me to the church on time..." I knew today was going to be a good one, but I was still prepared to help with any emergencies that arose. Days like this always have a few anomalies. Not to worry. We would get to the church on time. In fact we would arrive almost 5 hours before the wedding for pictures. It was going to be a long day....

I first met her just a few minutes after she was born. Her delivery took place at the Medical College of Virginia, a teaching hospital. Some of the med students were invited in for the delivery, so she came into the breathing world among a crowd. Just after birth they all took her over to the corner accompanied by coos and baby talk while they felt her fingers and pulled her toes. I smiled at them. There's something amazing about a new baby! Moments later she was in my arms and I looked into her unblinking eyes for the first time.

"You are Elizabeth Michelle Hall", I said. She was mine. And yet she wasn't. I knew that down the road one day she would be on her own. At that time I didn't care. I could not take my eyes off her. At the wedding James' sister Becky would tell me he sort of had a crush on Michelle in the first grade. I told her I've had a crush on her since she was born. Tears came into my eyes when I said it, and I could hardly finish the sentence. Wow! Emotions are really near the surface on days like today. The smallest things can set them off. I determined to try and avoid those moments, if possible.

There were some minor emergencies. I had to make a quick trip back to the hotel because something was left there, returning in time to take a few pictures with Michelle and the rest of the wedding party....

We named her Elizabeth after my grandmother. But we intended from the start to call her by her middle name of Michelle. We found out later this can cause problems. Usually with banks, health and legal forms. The require her full name, so it gets a little mixed up sometimes. Sorry about that!

I had been given a master key and it came in handy that morning. Our coordinator, Barbara had locked the building after the wedding party changed to help secure their personal items. A great idea. Early in the day I headed over to the gym to set up the tables and chairs. My granddaughter Makenzie, age 5, wanted to help. No problem! I would un-stack the chairs and she would slide them into place. She even helped me with the tables. We make a great team.

I stayed busy and before long guests were arriving. I did not have to hide like others in the wedding party, so I was able to greet some family and friends. Soon I was asked to take my starting position. I had the greatest honor, to escort her down the aisle. At around that time another challenge presented itself. My grandson Elijah had fallen a few minutes before. He had a lump on his head and was in no mood to attend to his wedding duties. He was crying and clutching a couple of prized possessions; Lucky, his stuffed dog, a Pez dispenser and a sheet from his coloring book. We all tried to assuage his grief, but to no avail. Finally he agreed to walk down the aisle with his soon to be 2nd cousin. He got as far as his dad....

When the girls were young we had this bedtime ritual. I would read them a story and pray with them as I put them to bed. Usually they would try and get me to read more than I planned. I would often comply. It's just sleep! Every night Michelle would ask me to hold her hand while she fell asleep, which I did. There were times when I didn't feel like doing this, but I said nothing. I preferred to give those moments of comfort and miss whatever TV show I wanted to watch. I remember once, when she was a little older, it literally took about 10 seconds for her to fall into dreamland. I can still feel her little hand relaxing in mine as she drifted away.

The rest of the wedding party are now headed down the aisle, the doors to the sanctuary are shut and I'm alone with her while we wait for our cue. I had thought about what I would say -but the words escaped me. There was only the moment at hand. I reveled in the fact that I was near this beautiful lady in the white dress. In a few minutes she would no longer be mine. We chatted about little things, like TV shows, and I felt her hand at my bent elbow. A moment later the door opened and we continued talking as we walked down the aisle. Every eye was on us - no - her. I may as well have been invisible....

Her bedroom was small, so I decided to make her a loft bed. Then we could put some things under it and she would have more floor space. It took me a little while to come up with the design, but the end result was pretty good. When she went off to college I made a remark that I could now get rid of that old thing, but she quickly informed me, in no uncertain terms, that it was hers and one day her children would sleep on that bed. I was secretly pleased.

I blew my line. When Pastor Gray said, "Who gives this woman?" I was to say, "Her mother and I do." I barely got it out. Tears blurred my eyes. Those emotions again! I stepped back and joined her hand with James' hand. My part in the wedding was over. I do not remember anything of the ceremony. Not a single word - even though I paid close attention. All too soon Pastor Gray was, "Introducing for the first time, Mr and Mrs James Snyder!" The music began and we all stood as the newly formed couple exited....

She had always been a determined young lady. While this got her into a bit of trouble at times, I've admired her for it. One year we were on vacation at Nags Head and it rained. So we went into the town of Manteo to find things to do. A YMCA was there and it didn't cost very much for a pass to the facilities. In this case we were interested in the swimming pool. We played for a long time. Michelle had just learned to hold her breath and swim underwater. She would start at the side of the pool and swim to me. Each time I would step back a little to see if she could go further. The last time I was against the opposite wall. She swam the width of the pool underwater. When she came up she said, "That hurt, daddy," and I knew she had reached her limit. I held her and said soft, nice things to her while she recovered. A few minutes later she was ready to go again.

The reception was great. Our caterer had baked not one but three cakes, chocolate, strawberry and lemon. All were very tasty. Call me biased, but it was the best wedding cake I've ever had. (Except for her sister's wedding, of course. The same caterer did both of them.) I had dibs on the leftovers. I didn't eat as much as I could have, preferring to talk to guests and family. I had also been tasked with introducing the happy couple when they appeared. After some thought I came up with, "I would like to introduce to you my daughter, Elizabeth Michelle..." I paused and looked at her, "...Snyder and her brand new husband James Richard Snyder." I said this for my Aunt Faye. She lost her beloved Facie earlier this year. Read my earlier post titled, "Tribute: You Were one of a Kind." About a third of the way down you'll find out why.

After a while Michelle came over to me and expressed a desire to leave as soon as possible. However, there was a small glitch. James' travel clothes were still in the changing room. They needed to be in the car. I was off the make the correction. After the couple left, the party started to break up. The various professionals who needed payment were already taken care of and just a couple of details remained. These were duly attended to and I realized then how much my feet hurt from standing in rented shoes all day.

That evening I was in the hotel trying to put my thoughts in perspective. The best I could come up with I wrote on my Facebook page: "Two great lights came together today. Now an even greater one shines." May it ever be so.